lugubriouslion

Starting my Novel

Thu, 01 Mar 2007 21:42:22 GMT

I know that i haven't posted in a while. I been basically starting a novel called "7 years without Katherine". Let me give you a briefing about it. I'm sure you guys consider me as a guy who just constantly see me with different girls and I can't stay put to any of them. It's just not my luck guys...seriously. I have a huge problem with relationship and not understanding what I really want.

When I was 13 years old, It was Jan 9 and we were celebrating my brother's birthday. He blew the candles and we decided to celebrate by having this huge dance section upstairs. I came across a beautiful girl named Katherine. I was too shy to be around her. She always looked at me smiling. I told my Uncle Ariel that she is beautiful. All of a sudden, my Uncle went up to her and whisper to her ear "Kiss the guy who you think has the most beautiful eyes". I remember being in the corner of the room and she came up to me and kissed me. I was amazed and thats where we started talking about things that we like and music. I couldn't talk much to her because my Spanish wasn't all that well.

We had to go back home because it was getting too late. On the next day, I saw her again and I hugged her. Unfortuantely, I had to go back to Miami. I remember hugging her and tell her that I will miss her. She gave me her number and e-mail address so I could contact her. I was in Miami and i told my mom to buy a calling card so we could talk to each other. We had short conversation and she wrote me emails. My mom loved her so much that she even wrote her an email. I moved into a new house and I lost my contacts with her and all information about her...from there..7 years has passed.

I was with Sophia at the moment and things weren't going that great. We got into arguments because she was stressing about certain issues that she was having. I talk to my dad in the Dominican Republica and he wanted to see me. He bought me a plane ticket to see him. On Jan 17, I got on that airplane and I was heading back to my home country. In the middle of the air flight, i got a sudden flash back of her...and I always wonder what happen to her. I landed in my home country. I enjoy most of the time with my father and he was showing me how things changed alot from the last time I was there. 2 weeks later, I went to my grandma's house and I told her if she could do me a favor and help me find Katherine's number.

There was no use of getting her number until I got a call from Franky which happens to be good friends with one of her cousin. He got the connection and found her house line where she is currently staying. I called the house line and her mom told me that she was in school. It took me a good 8 times to contact her to speak to her. Finally, i got to speak to Katherine. It made me really happy that I wasn't leaving my country knowing that i never got a chance to speak to her..and on the next day, I took a taxi to the capital of the Dominican Republica...Santo Domingo. I was lost and it was hard to find her place..I was looking around for her..and then I saw her. I got off the taxi cab as fast as I can. I got my luggage and rushed to give her the biggest hug. She was still the same size and once again, I felt like I was young again. We caught up on alot of things and we kept on smiling to each other. She treasure me like nicely touching fingers, cresting my face, feeling on my lips.

It felt good to be back into her arms. The same night, we went to the movie theater to see Night at the Museum and we were lauging so much. She held my hand and kept looking at me. She whisper to me how beautiful my eyes were. After the movie, we got some pina colada and were waiting for another cab. We got home and we were talking more. She kissed me that it felt like the first kissed that we had. We were laying next to each other...and then we took pictures together.

The next day, my mom has to go do some errands so we were together alone. She told me beautiful things like she wanted to have my kid and plan her whole entire future with me. I was just in total shocked and I felt the same way with her. We were waiting for a cab to take me back to my grandma's house because the next day, i had to go back to Miami. She took her cam-corder and was recording the ride. We were laughing alot. I got to my destination and once again, my heart was pounding and I felt the same feeling that i did when I was 13 years old. This time, I gave her a hug and I started crying..and she held on to me even stronger..she wish that i didnt have to leave..she got back on the cab..wave me goodbye.

I would write more but i don't know if you guys would like to hear me tell all these tales. I wrote more on my composition book which is like 12 pages long. I have to write it in Microsoft Word so it could get translate and send it back to her.

Sophia

Fri, 12 Jan 2007 23:55:05 GMT

I actually want to take this time to address a couple of thoughts and feelings from my mind. I haven't updated because I'm seriously going thru alot of shit in my life. I think i should start by different categories

Friends : Some of the people who I could consider as friends..were not the actual definition of a friend. A friend is someone who support you no matter what decision you make..even if its bad or good. The only well established friends that I have are Janet, Alex, and Cici..from everyone else..I could careless. My dad always told me that friends are a dollar in a pocket( for those are you who dont understand that..it basically mean..they come and go). I hardly communicate with Janet and everyone else..

School and Work : I got pissed off because Financial Aid didnt accept me because my mom was making too much money and the only reason why she is making too much money is because we recently purchased a home. My mom and dad are busting their ass to pay the house off this house and not just that..you can't forget the property tax. I wish the government could understand a family lifestyle of hard working and trying to get their kids to succeed better so their generation to come will be more successfull. As of work, i really hate it but thats almost done because i might be working for Direct TV and start working with them after the vacation to Dominican Republica.

Relationship : I think this category is going to take me awhile. Let me tell you the Story of Sophia Masere. I was driving to go see her because she lives in Hialeah. As I was getting close to her exit..my tire popped and i was swurving on the road..I saw my life flashing and i felt good..I called Sophia up and she came to the scene. Things got handled and I was in her house watching T.V laying next to her. We had a conversation about her becoming my New Years Kiss and thats what occured. There is really more..but i'm going to type more later..as of now..i'm talking to a girl named Sophia and things are going good ;]

Life is interesting

Fri, 10 Nov 2006 13:23:30 GMT

I got a tarot card reading today and it basically told me to watch out that someone will betray me. It also told me to move forward and dont look back on anything. I kind of guess who will be betray me. Let me tell you the story of this Diana girl. She was basically this girl who i saw go thru my job all the time and she is good looking. One day, i ask her for her number and we were basically talking on the phone as buddy. I got to know her a little bit and found out that she knows one of my cousin Liz so there was something interesting there. We never hung out because she was always busy. I told her to come to my job this one day but after work because I had a manager meeting. She told me "Cool..so after works". She shows up at the meeting and i basically sigh because I wanted to talk to her but I couldn't. She left pissed off and I called her after the meeting..she ignores my calls. I kind of got the drift that she doesnt want to talk to me for a stupid fucking reason. Oh well..its not like i had feeling for her anyways so bang..another one bites the dust.

As of Susan, she looks good and all but she wants me to change my style like clothing wise and get piercing. If anyone who is going to change, it's going to be me and no one else. We had some good conversation but its not going to work whatever. If you think that I was the one looking for it..naw..it wasn't me. She was the one that was attracted to me and I told her that i'm not over someone yet. It was just recently that it hit me and I totally forgot about this one dumb broad. Damn..sorry..but i got to get more sleep

My Fantasy Fest Night!

Tue, 31 Oct 2006 01:06:21 GMT

Wow..i got so much shit to write about. I never had so much fun in my life. Fantasy Fest has to be the best weekend of my life. I know how sometimes i really hate Miami but now i know how we have so much to offer. Let's start from the beginning, I got to Janet's house and she told me why i wasn't wearing my costume. I personally didn't know that everyone has to go with costumes. I went back home changed into my outfit and I see Susan. Susan is a very pretty Peruvian girl who I will never in my life see that she will has focus on me. She is pretty cool like we laugh about everything. So yeah, we got ready and we hit the road with Christian and Joe on our tail. Janet was driving so we were pouring drinks after drinks. I have two full glasses of barcadi lime mix with something else..and I was pretty buzz. She also spark up a bowl and yeah..I was pretty lifted and feeling awesome. Jenny tells me to make out with Susan and I was like "Hmm..i dunno"..but guess what, we did and she has awesome lips not to mention..her tongue ring. We were making out for a pretty long time. After that, Jenny wanted me to kiss her and I did..but it was not the same as Susan. I can't stand too much of a cig breathe..eww. We took two stops before Key West because we needed to piss and meet up with Cici and Alex. We got to Key West and I was soo fuck up. My first night of Fantasy Fest..I could remember holding Susan's hand the whole entire time and we will make out too. There was some niggas trying to holler but I was so secured of her and I dont know why..WTF>>> she is not my girlfriend! Why should i give a fuck? So whatever..I saw Tairy that night and i'm like "WTF DAMN! I haven't seen you in awhile! It was good to see her again. Night was pretty over but we couldn't stay at Cici's house until tommorow. So janet had to drive back to Homestead in a three hour drive. I got to Janet's house and me and Susan were sleeping next to each other..we were spooning but we didn't have sex..we just kind of rub on each other and made out. YEAH I KNOW! I BROKE MY 40 DAYS AND 40 NIGHTS!

Second Day of Fantasy Fest: I woke up and we woke up kissing each other again..but im thinking that she still has this hang over. I went home and put all my Halloween clothing and got new clothing for Fantasy Fest. I woke her up to get her something to eat. She is hot when she wakes up..i dunno why i put that here..whatever. She got in my car and we were talking about whatever. We got to Taco bell and I introduce her to my mom. We pick up the food and got back to Janet's house. We all watch Nacho Libre which was hilarious. After that, I was in the computer room with her and we kissed again...so now there is something going on in this pictures. She ask me if I was talking to anyone..and i said No. Hmm..let me stop here for awhile and talk about this later because im very tired.

I aint gonna think anything..i'm just like whatever....

Breast Cancer Awareness

Sat, 21 Oct 2006 07:58:07 GMT

I had such a weird nightmare. All i could remember is my back teeth getting stuck and i pull my jaw open that slowly..each tooth fell one by one. I'm trying to go back to sleep but let me finish doing a journal entry and then I will go. It was Breast Cancer Awareness for us so we were all wearing pink..even me. I never did wear pink and its not my thing. It was for a good cause and I saw a huge smile on my mom's face.

damn

Wed, 18 Oct 2006 00:28:26 GMT

I have nothing to say...

I am pretty hurt...

I got my car!

Tue, 17 Oct 2006 05:00:05 GMT

So many good things are happening like for one: I got my car!

I bought it for 500 dollars and its a 1999 Kia Sephia which doesn't look so bad in the pictures but its something that could take me to work and back home. There is so much that i want to post up.
I got approved for a Bank of America credit card that its max is 500..so i guess they heard my voice when I spoke to those Customer Representive ;]. I bought something to hold up my Final Fantasy
action figures,movies, and video games.

Just to add..i built that all by myself

What else..I guess its a thought about this girl who i see in my drive-thru all the time. Once i turn single, I decided to ask for her number and I got it. Personally and I won't lie about this..I only want to make a new friends and if faith decides to put us together..it happens. I'm not forcing myself to be in a relationship with anyone. So we are talking, I send her request and our conversation on the phone are only for an hour because she doesn't open up too much to anyone..so i guess you just have to gain trust first you know. As of now, I want to become her friend. I was checking her myspace and I realized that she knows my cousin Liz and she couldn't believe it. She goes "I think we were meant to talk"....I wanted her to say it again so I won't think that i heard something else but its exactly what I heard. I was laughing but she thinks im funny and she is pretty interesting...Life is beautiful

LAST NIGHT WAS HILARIOUS

Sun, 15 Oct 2006 16:27:00 GMT

It was me,Janet,this other girl,Curtis,Joe,and Christian..we decided to go to South Pointe to go smoke out. The beach last night was pack but it was people all from Homestead. We smoke two blunts and I was good for the night. I couldn't stop laughing all this shit that was coming from Chris. It was good chilling with friends and having a blast. I might have some pictures to post up from the night but I forgot to bring my camera. Thank god that Janet brought it out with us. We ate at Dennys laughing at the most random shit..Joe is hilarious. Our waiter was pretty psycho looking and shit. I'm glad at where I am..can't no one take this feeling

Hip hop friends and me

Sat, 14 Oct 2006 22:33:06 GMT

Hey everyone. Where should I start? I was bored at home and I decided to call my Hip-Hop friends to see whats going down..They were going to Sherri's party to see if its going good. It was alright..i wouldnt mind sitting down and getting a lap dance from this black chick there but I felt like doing something else. We decided to go this after party place by Perrine. As we go there, we were in the ghetto..and i felt like if we park anywhere..we will leave with bricks on the cars and hoping that it could slide off home ;p. We decided to stop by a safe place and discuss where should we go. I have no ideas and I was like "Im down for whatever"..they had the idea to go to the Grove ;[. I didn't say jack shit because I personally didnt want to go because I might encounter "The One and Only"..i guess thats the new name that I have for her so I could refrain myself from saying her name. We chill there for awhile and there was nothing much to do..I look at Vision and that shit looks dead..i think I was there around 12 to 1..but its always like that. It's slow and then later, people start showing up but its not my thing to go clubbing anyways..and personally, we were all broke as it is. I hate the age of 20 because its like a tease..like one more year until I turn 21..so yeah. Chris was thinking about heading to the beach and it was too late..i just felt like going home and thats what we did. I had to wake up early to go to work. I'm getting closer to becoming a manager since my background record is clean. Today is Homestead Homecoming so we are going by the beach to get messed up and see what's going. As of things, I started to realized that things happen for a purpose..I didn't think that I was in the right state of mind to even support having a girlfriend. I might not be wrong on this but for instance..going to movies,places to eat,gifts,tickets,gas,and everything else is pretty pricey..and especially since i'm going to be hitting college soon. Another thing, I'm doing so many things to stay happy as it is..like going out with friends or doing things in my home but I come home..getting an instant message from "The One and Only" claiming her and the Cat are just friends..but she inserts that she was with him until 6:30...In all seriousness, what the fuck do I have to know this for? I didnt ask what you were doing or anything..but I think it was a way to "make me jealous" or possibility hurt me..which if she calls me childish..then I call that pretty childish. Since we dont talk as much..she checks my journal to see what is going on in my life. I think she still likes me..but love me..no. I know she cares about me enough to go check my journal entries. I personally dont want to hear about her relationship life with others..its none of my concern.

The beautiful city of Paris never look the same...

Fri, 13 Oct 2006 00:18:15 GMT

Today was the day that my mom found out that I'm not with Niclle and I told her the truth. She look disappointed because she is not proud of our generation of girls. I think that Nicole wanted to be with another guy. I might be wrong but I deeply feel like thats the reason. I told myself that I have to avoid her because if I think about it more..i will be depressed. Ever since I turn single, I thought that I will be depressed for awhile but you have to be confident and always believe that there is a brighter day. You wanna know how I got hurt, I was checking her myspace like the dumb ass I am and found some other guy talking about "cereal". I realized that my love that i gave her..wasn't much if she is already hollering at another guy. Jackie wanted to know what bother me and i somewhat told her..and she decides to leave me a comment that could make me jealous..which i dont think it did because you could easily look at her pictures and see her man. Things are looking good...I get my car tommorow and I have to call for my tag and insurance. I was planning to do something when I first get the car...I was thinking about suprising her..but i feel like i'm just running into a brick wall. I'm going to try and forget it that there is nothing left...thats what i get.

All falls down

Wed, 11 Oct 2006 02:09:15 GMT

Here is my part of the story. Before I start to write everything that i personally feel..this is how its going to go. I believe that we broke up on good terms because I called her up that same night and told her that we could still be friends and if she ever needs my help with anything, she could always give me a ring. I want to input that I have given up on LOVE! Yes..i said it. You might tell me "Oh No..harold..you will find it later"...i'm not going to find it and never will i find it later. I'm tired of this illusion which are mind are being brainwashed by TV or movies to believe that this matter does exist. It's only done to make our global economy grow and i'm not giving back to this world after what you made me suffer. I'm sorry if i offended anyone who is currently in love with their partner but I just dont believe it anymore.

I'm going to commit to myself that I will stay put for awhile until I have settle down my finance and at least have a degree. If another girl try to come into my life, she will have to pierce thru 1,000 layers of hard skin but i will spit fire. I'm seriously sick and tired..i hate whinning about all this crap but its true. Here is how it all happens...Nicole was having a birthday party at the hotel in South Beach..i personally didnt like the idea because of the man..and if you guys kept up with my recent journals..i believe i told you guys about this. I was with her that Friday and we spend some time together until I had to go home because I had work the next day. Saturday comes up and she is doing ok because she is in the pool with her friends..That night, I was blasting her phone and she wouldn't pick up..I go back to check my IMs and it tells to call her. She was crying on the phone and telling me that she messed up..at the point, i think you guys know what happen.This is what i dont get..her best friends were there at this party and from what she told me "One of her friends was trying to stop her from doing that but Nicole push back and did what she wanted to do"..I don't know if i should be hurt from this..but it really did hurt. That night, i told Nicole that i'm not talking to her until she comes here..and she got to Homestead that night..crying and asking for forgiveness..She wanted to kiss me that night and I didn't want to do it because she was drunk..i hope she understood. Everything turns out well..but you see, it was hard for me to swallow all this. I got deeply hurt and I needed alot of time to recover this..and I believe that I could recover. She might not think that because she gave me only a month but I think i could. It takes time to earn someone trust back. I wish that she could believe in a little bit more..and gave me more time. When a couple are in a verge to break up, there is this very deep emotions that comes from our soul that will make us transform into a better person...i seen it for myself because I saw this in my dad and he is now going to church. Sometimes..it takes something big to hit you that will make you change. I personally think that the day of Halloween will be a perfect example because we are going to dress as our theme and we are going to the beach to take picture..something that has romance like that brings people together and understand the value that they can't be with no one else. This is what I will admit, I personally blame myself because I didnt see the way that you were pushing yourself for me to forget what happen. To this day, i apologize for the actions that I took. What could I say..we both fuck up.

I still have more to write..I have never in my life of dating and romance have I ever been affected by any girl..That night of the break up, my heart pulse was faster than rapid waves in hurricane season. My body heat was hot and I just wanted to get some decent sleep. I woke up feeling somewhat ok and then..my heart pulse is acting up ok..its even acting up now. This girl has changed my life and I still sometimes don't understand the power that she made me become a sweet-heart. She will be remember like the girl who I lost my virginaity. I wish I could of told her this but I feel in love with her when my eyes first set on her..even tho, my glasses were fog up lol. Until this day, i will never give my best to any other girl out there. I have to be tough and like my dad recently told me "Girls are a dime a dozen" but he also said this "If you leave her and she comes back to you, you guys were meant to be"....grr..anyways, I still haven't told my mom that we are no longer together. I think it will break her since this morning..she was wondering if she was going to court with me..and to top it off..she said this "I'm so glad that you found a girl that is right for me..she makes me happy"...i dont know how I will tell her that I'm not with her anymore.

So leaving this journal for some final words..If you are reading this..which mostly likely you will. You might not believe this but I do love you..and you met all my standards in the definition of love. I wish that years could pass by between us and we could be a happy couple but I thank you for making me a strong person. I never felt such a connection with a girl that I still get "signs" of you wherever I go..and I will never forget you. I think God never bless me with such a wonderful gift that you have gaven me. After all the crap that i went thru with my ex, I will never thought that I will fall in love again..but I did. You were a scion of hope and love...and I dont think that I could ever love such a woman like you. If you ever decided that fate brings you back into my arms, I might say that you have no place here anymore..but really..you will always be greeted with open arms. Let this be my final words...I love you Nicole Gonzalez.

Brokeup

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 12:51:11 GMT

well guys..i'm not with Nicole anymore...details will become later

Reading this card

Tue, 10 Oct 2006 00:55:32 GMT

Just reading this...makes me feel so safe.

To Harold DeLaCruz!

When I saw this card. I found it to be the perfect one to show you how much I really do miss you. Babe, I even shed a couple of tears last night cuz I stayed thinking of you constantly. And I truly realize that you are my One my only one that I think about all the time. The person that I just want to lie besides you and just stare into your eyes for countless hours. You are my cure to my old sadness You make me laugh when ever I really do need it. Babe, My Love, My boyfriend, The One I want to be with for the rest of my life, my crooked smile, My Mu-Chi, My other half, My future hubby wubby! This card is letting you know how much I truly care about you.

Love always,
Nicole DeLaCruz

Nightmare

Mon, 09 Oct 2006 13:21:54 GMT

WOW..i'm actually glad that I could wake up from all these horrible dreams. I remember being on the phone with Nicole and she was telling me that things will not work out between us. I got really depress that night and I went on Myspace to check how her page was..and some skinny 16 year rocker took my number one position. I was furious and I recall me getting drunk with one of her friends,her,and her "new" boyfriend. I was out of it and I said out loud "I dont believe me this".."Come back to me" and then my dad knock on my door to tell me if I was alright. I tried to go back to sleep but it went into the same scene but I was single and telling all my friends the news..I believe I was looking at her s/n online and not bothering to IM her..I pray to God that this doesn't happen..

spending time to myself

Sun, 01 Oct 2006 18:05:29 GMT

Life Lesson from Janet

Fri, 22 Sep 2006 22:38:33 GMT

When someone comes into your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed or for you to provide something for a need they have. They may have come to assist you through a difficult time you are experiencing, to provide you with guidance and support, and/or to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually. They may feel like a Godsend and that is exactly what they are. They are there for the reason you need them to be. There is a chance that you might not see that reason for a long time to come. Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, this person may disappear from you life. Sometimes they walk away. Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand. Sometimes they die. What you must realize is that your need has been met and your desire and their purpose has been fulfilled. The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on! Others come into your life because you have a special gift, insight, or useful knowledge that you they need to hear. It might not come up right away or you might not even know that at some point you have given it to them, but when you do they may disappear from your life, too. That can lead to pain, confusion, and unanswered questions, but trust in the fact that they came into your life for a reason, and that will eventually give you peace. Some people come into your life for a season, because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. They may teach you something you have never done. They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy. Believe it, it is real. But it may be only for a season. Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons, things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationship and areas of your life. These relationships are there for the long haul and must be nurtured and respected. They have the strength to endure hardships, arguments, and turmoil. They will last a lifetime.It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant. See things for what they are and don't put the demands on forever. A person who comes into your life, who wants to be your friend, or who gives you their love, no matter how deeply the love is felt, its a gift that should not be taken for granted.

Composing music for my love

Mon, 18 Sep 2006 03:39:56 GMT

hey guys. I know that I haven't wrote in a long time. I been feeling very crappy..seriously. Remember that project that I started doing, I only wrote two entry and I stop. I was thinking about finishing it up and I dont have that "fuel" to keep me going. I have close ideas that I have..and i just been very close about things. I'm very expressive about anything and I like to talk about anything but i'm starting to lose that. Yesterday, I come in my job with the worst mood ever..I was giving lip to customers and I usually dont do that. My job is smooth and its nothing to me..but i lost that fuel. I lost that fuel that wakes me up in the morning to make me smile. If you guys are curious about why im feeling down, i just been really hurt but it's nothing that I want to discuss. I don't understand the rules of becoming a man. It seems that I have to follow my step-dad's step and be mean about everything. Argue about everything little things that bothers me and put all my feelings side. I was raised in a different way because I was mostly with my mom. I grew up to be a sweet male who loves to express himself and share deep feelings for that significant other..I like to hear conversation and talk problems out instead of having a big fit about it. I wasn't really raised with my real dad because he left us when I was 4. I wasn't raise to fight anyone that gives me lip or fight just for the hell of it. My brother is like that..because he would always hang out with his baseball friends and always done things that made him a man. I was the one always at home..reading..playing video games..and hanging out with the group that was in the middle.I'm kind of getting off subject here but I always see these bulky guys with beautiful girls. If someone looks at his girl in the wrong way, he tends to act up and start some brawl. He has this sense of secruity with her that she can't talk to any guys because he doesnt trust guys. He doesnt talk alot and doesnt share his feeling whatsoever..but somehow, the girl seems to like this and she is completely faithful to him. Its that famous quote "Nice guys finish last" that pisses me off because if you are too nice, the girl will seem to do things behind your back and she could do whatever she wants. I'm the type of guy who is very expressive when it comes to showing what Love really means like symbolism of interest as present or thoughtful ideas that come to mind. I never dedicate the same song to anyone..everyone has their own songs. When i really feel for someone, I push more for them to understand that I really do love them. I'm not a jealous guy(i'm starting to become one) because I believe in freedom. She could hang out with her friends and I could do the same thing too. She could even hang out with guy friends but somehow..it all seems to backfire. I'm starting to realized that my karma is hitting me. My past relationship with Josly was horrible. There was an unbalance factor because I was skinny and she was huge(no offense to anyone). We didn't look like a good couple because all my friends will tell me..it was weird. Some people look at me and tell me "What are you doing with her?"..they thought that I could do better. When we went to the mall, i never like holding her hand because I was ashamed of her..We were chilling with her cousin and her cousin's boyfriend..and I will always wonder off my eyes and look at other girls. At my job, there will be girls being flirtatious with me and i will flirt back. I will admit..i was a horrible boyfriend because I knew things wouldn't work out in the beginning. I was trying to leave the relationship in the 1st month of us going out but she will drop on the floor and start crying..she will tighty squeeze my leg for me not to leave her..one thing about me is that I can't bare to see people cry..so I gave in..but there was other times when i really want to break up with her because I really didnt see anything between us. I felt like we were going to be one of those couples who will hate each other's gut and grew up like old farts and living a miserable life. I was trying to leave but she will fake heart attack or tell me that she was going to kill herself and it got scared. I didn't know what to do..but somehow..she left out of my life. I feel like now..i'm getting what is coming to me. All these punishment which hurt so much..are coming to me strong but from someone who I really love..who I really could see myself grow fond with her and live those beautiful memories which we could really reflect back. In these type of pains, all guys will leave and go on their own path..but somehow, I don't tend to let go..but she let go of me. Sometimes..I want to feel like..I'm the only one..like there is no one else for her life but me. I want to make her life incredible..i want to be what she wakes up too..and the first thing that kisses her every morning. Sometimes, people wonder "Oh..you treat her like any other girl"..but you misunderstood me. I remember I used to be one of those guys who will give teddy bears and roses because it was the usual that all guys will do. With Nicole, I made that personal notebook for my thoughts for her, Jack and Sally hoodie because she loves the nightmare before Christmas,food accomedation everytime she sleeps over, full detail body massage with candles for smell, the power to drive my dad's car and knowning that I get so much shit from him, Final Fantasy 8 for her collection, Cry baby because she loves Johnny Depp, tickets to panic! at the disco concert, paying for her driver license and helping her out with the test...this is just half of it..now you tell me if these are things that the "usual" guy will do for any girl. I have past my limits of love and I feel this power that I could control love and blast her with everything that I have. I pray for God that things will work out and make sure that she is in save hands wherever she goes. Am i losing it? My best friend doesnt approve of her but I dont bother listening to her and I known her for 6 years of my life..and i'm putting Nicole over her. I have truly define love to her..or to anyone that "I love Nicole Gonzalez" and no one will take that away from me. Without her, i will feel like a great part of my life is missing. She defines my meaning of life..If you knew what has occured, you will tell me to leave..but i feel like if that tends to happen, I feel like that will be my last chance..that will be my last chance to taste the rich essence of what love feels like..and i dont want to lose that. Come to my rescue..hug me..and tell me that I will feel better after all this pain. Lay next to me and tell me that we will be forever like the life of stars. Design fantasy of our dreams in my mind and tell me those words that I always linger.."Baby..i'm forever yours and I can't see myself with anyone else but you". I think i really did myself on this entry..wow..you see the power of love what makes you do..Its so beautiful that my hands are typing like if i was playing piano..like i'm composing music for my love..I love you Nicole

Oh wow..i actually cried

Wed, 06 Sep 2006 03:36:47 GMT

Hey! I haven't wrote in a long time. Alot has happen but me and Nicole are staying strong. I was thinking about not doing any more entries for Livejournal because i have created a personal journal to write whats occuring in my life.

Lately, there is something that has been bothering my mind. I know its been just a few months talking to Nicole but like...I wish I was a milestone in her life. I felt bad because Nicole gave me her password to her Photobucket. She told me not to get hurt if i see it but it was like..all these pictures of Mr. T(thats what I call him). After looking at all the pictures, i find out that he is going to be a milestone in her life. He was her prom date and he will be remember as that. I kind of wonder...how will i be remember as? I feel as if I have no title but just a sweetheart. This was one of those minor moody swings that I got into. I go to church every Sunday..so I could praise God that he lead me to Nicole. You guys dont really know this but I'm not that big of a church person..but somehow..her love and her strong makes me rise up in the morning to attend church to make me believe. I been wishing for true love since I was in 6th grade...on all my candles. On this 20 birthday...God is giving me the chance to unite with the love of my life so I could make my final wish. My final wish will be thanking him for bringing me the light..the light that which Nicole holds. If she is the one, I will devote myself completely to her. I will labor myself to make this work. I promise to cut down any sense of argument that could entitled from us losing faith. I promise that I will cherish every moment that we have. I promise her to warmth her in sickness and if anything occurs to her, she will never lose the beauty that she always has. I promise to you God that I will attend every Sunday church to recognize my belief for you...but to celebrate the happiness that this angel has brought to my life. I just dont want to be a boyfriend...i want to transfer into fiance/husband/ and maybe one day...into a proud father. You are the light to my love..and you are what makes me believe..that true love exist. I love you with every ounce of blood in me.

-Harold

June 16

Wed, 30 Aug 2006 05:47:13 GMT

June 16...a day to remember..its the day that we celebration our embrace

miss you..want you..need you so

Tue, 29 Aug 2006 23:46:32 GMT

I haven't wrote for a while now. I got my debit card in the mail and i'm pretty excited about that. I guess the tropical storm is not doing much damage to us anymore. After putting the shutter at the last moment, nothing was going to happen but it makes my room darker ;]. Anyways, i'm a little bit down..i dont know if I should be or not but here it goes. Nicole figure out what she wanted as a birthday gift(i think i will get her a promise ring later). She wants me to keep alert of these Panic! At the disco ticket so we could go. I find it to be good because it will be cool to see it together..as in me and Nicole. She wanted to bring Kassie along and i guess i didnt mind that. She just called me and told me not to get mad at her but if I could purchase two more tickets for Angie and her little brother. If tickets upsell for 30 bucks..thats 150 dollars coming out of my pocket and it seems like from what Nicole tells me..Angie is not the type to pay up so I dunno. I'm trying to save up for a car as much as possible. I'm working my ass off..i made like almost 10 hours of overtime and i go back home tired as hell..enough to still talk to Nicole at night. I thought the idea of the hotel party was decease but i guess not. Nicole wanted me to get off a friday,saturday,and sunday off but I can't do that because i have to make that money. Kassie and Angie are doing the hotel party..it's going to be girls and guys..and alcohol. I personally don't like the sound of that because I can't be there and I personally don't trust guys until I consent with them first. Oh wow..and its a "going away party"..for crying out loud..she is moving to Homestead...not New York or Arizora. Coral Gables and Homestead is like a 20 min ride.

I just figure out that the concert is in November 7 and it lands on a Tuesday...which meaning that Angie can't go because she is still in high school and her little brother..oh no. I guess that takes away the excitement for someone. I will write later..i gotta get some things done in the real world. Darn..another day of work tommorow morning ;[

In a relationship

Sat, 26 Aug 2006 16:31:51 GMT

Hello Journal. There is alot that I have to post up so lets take it from here. I woke up around 9:30..took a shower and went to work. I didn't have to do DT but they put AnnMarie in it. The day was slow and all of a sudden, we had a mystery shopper which is none other than James Farrel who is the area coach of TB. Me and Ofelia got a perfect on the amount measure of our product but we got a B+ which is not bad at all either. I got home around 5:30 and I got a called from my cousin Mario. He told me to check the movie times so what I did was look for the movie times at Sunset places. Let me rewind a little back

I went with my cousin to Blockbuster to get some movies. We got V for Vendetta and Inside Man. We got to the car and I told him "I dont like asking you crap like this because I already know your answers. Just give me a straight answer and dont overract to it". I told him that Nicole really wants to see me and she is willing to pay him gas money for us to come up to her house and watch movies. He said that today was not a good idea but on Friday, I won't mind doing that. So from his words, he said that he is willing to do it.

He was online so I send him the links to Beerfest for Sunset Place and he replies with "Why are you giving me the times for Sunset Place". I told him "We are supposed to go to Sunset so we could see the movie with Nicole..remember?". He was too lazy and was not willing to go up there. He has to go asleep early because he has to help Tio Tony. This is what I have to say about that: He knew that he had to go help Tio Tony so why couldn't you say in the beginning "I can't because I have to help out Tony in the morning". We were going to invest 40 bucks to buy him a ticket for Beerfest and give him plenty of money for gas. That really made my day..i was so furious. I couldn't believe that I have to call Nicole and tell her that I won't be able to see her. I told her and she got pissed off but it wasn't my fault whatsoever. I was in the couch laying down...my dad ask me what was wrong and told him how i felt. What will happen if Nicole is in the hospital and I have no source of way to see her. He told me it was responsibility..and we had this huge argument that it came to a point where he started understanding my point of view. I was never a bad kid..I never dealt drugs, got arrested by cops, or physically hurt anyone in my family. My cousin Luis is the worst..he got his license suspended, went to jail for selling drugs, and my uncle gives him a car even when he drop out of school and got his "GED". It came to a point where he lend me the car..he told me if I fuck up his car, he will fuck me up. I took a shower and rode out to Nicole's job. I got there around 10. I went to the back of her job and she gave me a big hug and kiss. Sometimes i amaze myself on the things that I will do for this girl. I help her clean the store so she could get out early. We got out around 11 and I got her something to eat. We went to her house to watch Mystery Men and its hard to believe but Dane Cook was in that movie as the Waffler

We finished watching the movie and she took me outside. She told me "I wish i could give you a paupau fruit but I don't have it"..so meaning that she wants a serious relatioship with me. I ask her out around 1:30 and she said Yes. I'm officially with Nicole Gonzalez ;]. There is a good lesson learn here: Never give up on your dreams and always push your limits..go as far as possible. Thank you all for reading ;]

I love you Nicole

Oh god...

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 23:01:29 GMT

I saw this guy mowning the lawn with his little kid..he had a toy lawn mower ;[

Dangerous Mind of a Struggler

Thu, 24 Aug 2006 22:52:37 GMT

Nicole,
It's another boring day at work. I had to come early so I could start training to become a shift manager. I somewhat learn how to open. I thought that you need books to train to be a shift manager but its all self taught. My mom needed to go to the bank so I went along with her. When i got in the car, i started to realized how tired I am. We went to Winn-Dixie and got some Lemon Pepper Chicken with potato salad and mac salad. Ofelia made a nice strawberry/banana shake. I was gonna wait until you got her so I could drink it in front of you ;]. My mom might send home early because it's really slow at the store. Janet just called me and invited me to the bike show. I think that we fell asleep on the phone because when I close my eyes, I felt like I was talking to you and I recall saying "I love you". I can't wait when you come here so I could make you what you like and your little nachos and cheese ;]. I hope you come so I could give you this letter. I'm laughing because my co-worker looks at what I'm writing to you and he is like "I wrote 3 pages to Anthreak about what i feel for her". Just for you to know, he is almost 40 and she is 17. You know, I saw this guy who I knew from high school and I finished taking his order and he got to the window. He gave this kind of smirk and i'm like "What? What's so funny". I hate rich stuck up people. I remember when I was playing Kingdom Hearts 2 and when Roxas fight Seifer...they were called "The Strugglers" I'm kind of like taht. Well, my break is over. I can't wait to see you. I love you

-Harold DeLaCruz

I was reading her journal and look at what she said: Subject: So sad, I miss my lion

ive been lately sad because i want to see harold so badly. i miss him like crazy i thought i was gonna have a chance to see him today cuz my friend angie was gonna give me a ride, but since her mom is so strict she cant now. this fuckin sucks im so sad man... i want to be with harold grrrr.. its been since i was at his house the last time i was with him. im going desperate him i feel like taking my moms car. i cant stand not seeing harold. i must see him. (coming up with a plan)...

I'm feeling crappy myself because I can't bear to see my snooki wookie suffer because I'm not there. I feel pathetic because I'm almost turning 20 and I dont have a car. I'm like really busting my ass at work and I'm getting my 40 hours done for both weeks. If she is crying, its more of a fuel to me to bust my ass even more. You see..when a woman gives you that energy to help you make it thru another day of torture, she is the one for you. I can't wait until September because I got this fat check and I'm set for the car. I know that we are suffering now babe...i promise you that things will be alright.

I will understand

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 22:57:12 GMT

It was a boring day at work. The rush was very slow. I called Nicole once and she didnt pick up. I thought she was still asleep but I called her house later and her mom tells me that she is out with her friends. It doesn't bother me but I hate my calls being ignored. I took a break and i just decided to write her a letter.

Nicole,
Today is a slow day at work. I took a 30 min break. I tried calling you twice but you didnt pick up. Your mom said that you went out with your friends. It's not like it bothers me but I wish you didnt have your phone off. Anyways, I wanted to talk to you about your birthday weekend. My job is giving me 40 hours now because I'm not attending college this semester. I wante to really raise money so I could start seeing you more often or when you need a ride home from work. I could always take you home or take you out anywhere you want. You might be mad at me but I'm doing it for the long run babe. I want to start to budge myself so we could really do good things like take vacation, eat at a nice place, or spend time together. I know for a fact that I will get the day off for your birthday. I think I got an idea of what to get you but I'm not too sure yet. Why dont we do this..you could take off the days off for my birthday because by that time, I would have the car and everything. We could enjoy ourselves at the beach together because that's what I really want for my birthday. I gotta start letting you go because my break is almost over. I love you

-Harold DeLaCruz

I saw Gabriel and his wife with their kid in the back. He is not working and she is not working. I hope they are not struggling with the little baby..she is really cute. Anyways, I remember giving this lady her order and my finger got stuck in the bag. She was a mom with her two grown daughter and she was like "Oh my..we dont mind taking you along with us. The girls will be happy" LMAO!!! I smile and close the window. I think i'm going to finish putting all this laundry away.

Everybody Everybody!

Wed, 23 Aug 2006 04:46:18 GMT